How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
