Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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