He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
