I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
