my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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