I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
