i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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