so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
