I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
