eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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