how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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