you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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