is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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