I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
