So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we're so committed to being not committed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
