shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
