this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize