You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
