Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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