I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Boobs are out for the taking
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
