I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize