I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
God, I missed his penis.
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