I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
