it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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