I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
