Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
