hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
