you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
