We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
