he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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