Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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