she looked like the bat from fern gully.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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