the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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