I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Even my vagina gasped.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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