i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
