I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
