PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
