She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
