i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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