His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
