my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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