i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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