stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
