Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
