Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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