need another drink. this is the easiest way
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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