Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
