you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
