omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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