the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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