she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
