May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
