when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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