i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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