i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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