Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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