At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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