Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
