I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
