did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
