I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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