So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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